A Model

My mom just said, “Your father is driving me fucking crazy.”

After 62 ½ years of marriage, it seems little has changed. These two have been madly in love for a lifetime, and they work very hard to conceal that from the rest of the world. They started dating in the tenth grade and have been together ever since. Mom claims that she went out with three or four other men when she was mad at Dad and even tells a story about him once waiting outside her house when she was on one of those dates. The two of them have been locked in this kind of back-and-forth for decades.

At the party to celebrate their sixtieth wedding anniversary, someone asked them the secret to such a long marriage. Daddy said, “daily sex,” while Mom’s answer was “inertia”. I suspect that the real answer lies in their understanding of strength. They stand together, but not too close together. “For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

My parents are always there for each other while living completely independent lives. Mom is an adventurer who can’t sit still for more than ten minutes, while Daddy is a homebody who sticks to a routine. Mom freely spends money on other people, while Daddy pinches every penny (unless golf, dogs, cars, or high school football are involved).  

On the surface, they are completely incompatible, but underneath, there is a deep and abiding love. This was evident in Daddy’s reaction to Mom’s stroke in 2024. It was the first time he had ever cried to me, and I realized how scared he was of being without her. He tenderly cared for her in the hospital and for weeks after at home. Showing real feelings.

And this is why Mom says that he is driving her crazy. He keeps telling her to slow down. He worries about her driving. He wants to go with her to the doctor. She feels smothered and doesn’t want anyone telling her what she can and can’t do. They are currently fighting about her planned trip to Italy, which, true to form, he insists is a bad idea and claims he won’t be able to sleep while she is away. There is no doubt in my mind who will win this argument.

She always gets her way. And THAT is the secret to a long and happy marriage.