Rules of Civility

When George Washington was about 14 years old, he wrote out a set of 110 guidelines for gentlemanly behavior. He supposedly wrote out these rules to practice his penmanship. Washington likely copied these maxims from a French etiquette manual that was already two hundred years old at the time. Reflecting on these guidelines provides us with insight into the culture that shaped the Founders.

Washington’s manuscript survived and was eventually published as “George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation”. While many of these rules seem unsuited for modern life, and many of the ideas are repetitive, there is something to be learned from reading the lessons that a young George found to be instructive and formative.

When my grandson turned twelve, I bought him a copy of the little book and correctly assumed it would get tossed aside immediately. That is understandable because the language is archaic, and it isn’t easy to understand the current application of the lessons. Instead of giving up, I decided to do my best to translate the rules into modern English and update them for current situations. This proved challenging; however, I believe that this version is easier to read. It may not capture the attention of a twelve-year-old boy, but it's worth a shot. It should take you about ten minutes to read the entire list. Be forewarned that talking with your mouth full and adjusting your crotch in public are obvious no-nos that get multiple mentions.

At the end of this exercise, I hope that you will follow Washington’s reminder to “keep alive the little spark of celestial fire called conscience.” That is a good lesson for all of us.

Washington’s Rules of Civility (Bill’s Version)

Rule 1: In company, always show respect to those around you.

Rule 2: Don't touch the private parts of your body in front of others. 

Rule 3: Don't show others anything that might frighten them.

Rule 4: Avoid humming or drumming with your fingers or feet when others are present.

Rule 5: Cough, sneeze, sigh, or yawn quietly and privately. Cover your mouth and turn away.

Rule 6: Don't sleep while others are speaking; don't sit when others stand; wait for the right time to talk.

Rule 7: When sitting, keep your feet flat on the floor; avoid crossing your legs or fidgeting.

Rule 8: Don't pick lice, fleas, or other pests in front of others.

Rule 9: Don't turn your back on people, especially while talking.

Rule 10: Keep a calm and serious demeanor when appropriate.

Rule 11: Gestures should match the tone of the conversation.

Rule 12: Bow or nod to acknowledge people - and do it with sincerity.

Rule 13: Stand when someone comes to speak to you, even if they're younger or less important. Offer your seat if needed.

Rule 14: Give those on your level the respect they deserve.

Rule 15: Don't treat someone as though they're inferior just because they're less educated or prestigious.

Rule 16: Avoid correcting someone in their own trade or area of expertise; it comes across as prideful.

Rule 17: Accept criticism or advice graciously; calmly discuss it later if you feel it was unfair.

Rule 18: Avoid nasty smells by keeping clean. Wash daily.

Rule 19: If you value your reputation, steer clear of worthless or morally questionable individuals.

Rule 20: In private homes, refrain from pacing back and forth. Walk modestly.

Rule 21: Don't pressure friends to share secrets.

Rule 22: Avoid foolish or trivial talk with scholars or those of a serious nature.

Rule 23: Don't make jokes where they're not wanted. Don't laugh loudly or at others' misfortune, even if they're your enemy.

Rule 24: Don't criticize others for trivial faults or annoyances.

Rule 25: Don't interrupt. Wait until someone has finished speaking before responding.

Rule 26: Don't spread rumors unless you know them to be true.

Rule 27: If someone asks you a question, stand and give a short answer.

Rule 28: In an argument, let others speak and refrain from trying to dominate.

Rule 29: Eat with moderation; don't show greed or rush.

Rule 30: Keep your mouth neat. Don't pick at your teeth at the table.

Rule 31: Avoid overeating or leaving the table too quickly after eating. Don't toast every time someone else does.

Rule 32: Listen quietly when others at the table speak. Don't talk with food in your mouth.

Rule 33: When talking about religious topics, be serious and respectful.

Rule 34: Don't clutter tables with unnecessary items.

Rule 35: Offer your company in good times, but be humble.

Rule 36: Use good posture. Don't lean on tables or hold your elbows out.

Rule 37: If you must leave the table, ask politely and calmly.

Rule 38: Refrain from blowing your nose at the table; do it quietly and discreetly.

Rule 39: Cover your mouth when speaking during meals.

Rule 40: Don't scratch yourself at the table; go elsewhere if you need to.

Rule 41: Don't pick your teeth with anything but your finger. Hide any cleaning in private.

Rule 42: Offer your guests part of your meal, but don't insist that they take it.

Rule 43: Turn to face the people you are talking to, even at the table.

Rule 44: Don't complain about food or tableware. Show gratitude.

Rule 45: Don't reach across the table; ask someone to pass things instead.

Rule 46: Keep yourself calm and act cool. Avoid shifting or fidgeting while sitting.

Rule 47: Ensure that your facts are accurate before speaking critically about someone.

Rule 48: Avoid praising yourself or showing off. Be humble.                                                          

Rule 49: Speak clearly and calmly, not too loud or too soft.

Rule 50: Don't yawn when others are talking. This is disrespectful.

Rule 51: Don't sigh in a way that distracts others. Express impatience privately.

Rule 52: Walk with purpose. Don't shuffle or drag your feet.

Rule 53: When greeting someone older or more formally dressed, nod or bow slightly.

Rule 54: Speak kindly of others. You never know who's listening.

Rule 55: If someone is sick or miserable, don't gloat. Show kindness even to your enemies.

Rule 56: Always keep good personal hygiene. Brush your teeth and change your clothes daily.

Rule 57: Be polite and clear when writing letters.

Rule 58: Don't read someone else’s letters or diary. Respect their privacy.

Rule 59: Keep your promises. Don't say you'll do something unless you're certain you will.

Rule 60: Speak only when it adds to the conversation. Don't ramble.

Rule 61: Don't ask people to reveal secrets.

Rule 62: Avoid idle chatter around serious people.

Rule 63: Don't make a joke that others may not find funny. Don't laugh at someone else’s misfortune.

Rule 64: Don't point out minor faults in others. It's petty.

Rule 65: Don't interrupt or answer before someone finishes talking.

Rule 66: Speak cautiously when repeating what you've heard. Verify facts first.

Rule 67: Stand and remove your hat when answering questions.

Rule 68: In disagreements, allow each person to speak without dominating the conversation.

Rule 69: Eat calmly; avoid devouring your food or complaining about it.

Rule 70: Keep your hands clean at the table by wiping your fingers on a napkin.

Rule 71: Don't eat more than you should or rush away from the table. Every toast does not require a response.

Rule 72: Listen to others at the table. Don't speak with food in your mouth.

Rule 73: Show reverence when discussing God.

Rule 74: Keep the table neat. Don't clutter with excess food or unnecessary objects.

Rule 75: Be polite in conversation. Don't boast and let others speak.

Rule 76: Avoid resting your elbows on the table or leaning forward heavily.

Rule 77: Ask permission and excuse yourself if you must leave the table.

Rule 78: Blow your nose quietly and discreetly.

Rule 79: Keep your mouth covered when speaking near food to prevent contamination.

Rule 80: Don't scratch yourself at the table. Excuse yourself if you are uncomfortable.

Rule 81: Avoid using utensils in a manner that may offend others. Do not point with your fork.

Rule 82: Share food when appropriate, but don't force others to eat.

Rule 83: Always face the person you are speaking with.

Rule 84: Don't criticize meals or the way they're served; express your appreciation.

Rule 85: Ask for something politely instead of reaching awkwardly across the table.

Rule 86: Sit still. Don't fidget.

Rule 87: Ensure that you fully understand someone before criticizing them.

Rule 88: Avoid self-praise; let others recognize your virtues.

Rule 89: Speak intelligibly; neither too loud nor so softly as to be inaudible.

Rule 90: Don't yawn when others speak.

Rule 91: Sigh only in private.

Rule 92: Walk gracefully. Do not shuffle or drag your feet.

Rule 93: Show respect to elders and those who are well-dressed.

Rule 94: Speak respectfully. Your words represent you.

Rule 95: Don't take pleasure in another's pain, even if they are an enemy.

Rule 96: Maintain good hygiene; it reflects well on you.

Rule 97: Write letters thoughtfully; clarity shows that you care.

Rule 98: Respect private correspondence. Do not betray a confidence.

Rule 99: Keep your word. Trustworthiness is key.

Rule 100: Speak only when you have something of value to add.

Rule 101: Dress appropriately. Don't draw attention to yourself by being sloppy.

Rule 102: Adjust your clothing as needed quietly and privately. Don’t grab yourself in public.

Rule 103: Walk confidently and politely, with good posture.

Rule 104: Eat thoughtfully, neither too fast nor too slow.

Rule 105: Clean your fingers discreetly.

Rule 106: Share generously, but don't overwhelm others with gifts.

Rule 107: Face those you are talking to, especially at meals.

Rule 108: Praise genuinely but not excessively.

Rule 109: In disputes, avoid harsh tones; keep calm and maintain an open mind.

Rule 110: Always act with consideration, decorum, and honor, regardless of the situation.