Superstitions

As a rationalist, I do not have any particular superstitions, and I am not prone to confusing causation with correlation. If my favorite sports team has a habit of losing whenever I am in attendance, I do not possess the ego to assume that my presence had anything to do with the outcome. Although I am not in the habit of walking under ladders, I do routinely step on cracks in the sidewalk without being fearful of the consequences.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy hearing about other people’s superstitions. They can be enormously entertaining. One friend of mine refuses to change the names of contacts in her iPhone for fear that she will somehow jeopardize those relationships. So, if you were entered as “Billy Belize” in her phone, that is how you will forever remain. This is the same woman who touches the roof of her car whenever she runs through a yellow traffic light.

That is no crazier than believing that if you take the last bite off of a shared plate, you are going to become an old maid, or insisting on wearing your “lucky underwear” on first dates. People believe what they are going to believe, and there is no convincing them otherwise.

One of my favorite superstitions is the fear of “manifesting” something bad. Some young people in my office refuse to say things out loud because they are convinced the universe is waiting to punish them for being pessimistic. On the flip side, they’ll constantly repeat affirmations as if the cosmos is taking attendance. I guess it is a modern twist on knocking on wood, a kind of TikTok era spirituality.

I find “energy cleansing” to be even more amusing. I know perfectly rational young professionals who will burn bundles of sage or buy crystals whose properties they can’t explain, convinced these things can ward off bad vibes from ex-boyfriends, toxic coworkers, or stressful apartments. I don’t know if this is self-care or ancient mysticism.

And, of course, everyone on Instagram knows that Mercury in retrograde ruins everything. It explains relationship drama, menstrual cramps, car trouble, bad hangovers, and late food deliveries. No single astral alignment has ever assumed more blame for human error.

These are mostly harmless beliefs that give me a good laugh. I don’t mind the smell of burning sage, and I once saw rally caps precede a come-from-behind Astros win. You should hang onto these superstitions. Who knows what bad stuff might happen if you don’t?