The Eulogy Virtues

I went to a funeral this week. It was actually the first of two memorial services held in different cities for an old friend from college days. When a standing-room-only crowd of 800 people shows up in a small town to hear eight eulogies, you know they are there to celebrate the life of someone special.

My friend was incredibly successful with a long resume of positions, accomplishments, and wealth to back it up, however, in the hour and a half of remembrances, there was not a single mention of these things. Instead, the people closest to him talked about his character, his generosity, and the myriad ways he had touched their lives. It was a stark reminder of the differences between the things we tend to focus on in life versus the qualities we truly value in the final analysis.

Our resumes list our skills and accomplishments. We include our degrees, awards, job roles, professional achievements, and technical abilities. These qualities are essential in navigating the competitive landscape of careers and in achieving societal standards of success. They showcase our capabilities and our drive to excel in our chosen fields. These professional assets often open doors to new opportunities and advancements. And we spend a lot of time building that resume.

In contrast, the things that are remembered and celebrated at our funerals are quite different. The eulogy virtues are the qualities that speak to who we are: our kindness, integrity, humility, and the way we treat others. Eulogy virtues reflect our character and the depth of our relationships, highlighting the ways we have touched the lives of those around us. They are less about what we have accomplished and more about how we have lived. This is where we should focus our energy.

Albert Einstein said, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value." My friendship with Mason was valuable to me. He invited me into his home to be a part of a group that I did not belong to. My great hope is that I can do the same for others and inspire my friends to cultivate the character traits that matter in the end. Mason showed us the way. Aloha my friend.