Your Twenties

Over the past few years, I have noticed contradictory attitudes and behaviors in my students and recent graduates in my personal and professional networks. On the one hand, they are incredibly anxious about their futures and fret that they don’t have life all figured out at 22. On the other hand, they do not appear to be in too much of a hurry to “grow up” and take steps to figure things out. They seem overwhelmed by the prospect and afraid that everyone else is ahead of them. My message is “chill the fuck out,” “stop comparing yourself to others,” and “be intentional about your choices.”

Figuring things out and learning who you are is a life-long process. Getting the basics down – career, marriage, family, home – takes at least a decade, and accelerating this process may lead to suboptimal outcomes. So, relax and embrace the uncertainty. Those friends of yours who appear to have it all together will likely change careers, get divorced, and wind up asking you for advice.

Relaxing and embracing uncertainty doesn’t mean frittering away ten years of your life. Your twenties are vital to the person you will become and the life you lead. This time sets your trajectory. Intentionality is the key. Rather than "wasting" your twenties on random experiences or assuming life will fall into place later, you should be intentional about career choices, relationships, and personal growth. Don’t get anxious, but realize you don’t have all the time in the world to grow up.

Your twenties are a time to build what psychologist Meg Jay calls “identity capital.” Invest in experiences and relationships that help you learn more about your strengths and interests. The network of close friends you create can sustain you for a lifetime. Secondary and tertiary relationships can also be incredibly influential. Your network is an asset that should be nurtured like you manage your retirement account (and you should already have a retirement account).

So, get accustomed to discomfort. Don’t let it paralyze you. The answers you seek will not be found sitting on your couch scrolling Instagram. Get out there and practice living the life you want.